My friend Kavin...

Kavin was one of my best friends throughout high school. I think we met while slacking off in a grade 10 business class. He wanted to be a fashion designer. I wanted to be a rock star. We both didn't belong. We connected immediately.

It may have helped that he was one of my first friends with a car. I still think about that beautiful car. It was a junkie burgundy k-car that you could put your feet up on. It didn't only take us places - just being near it was a good time. Sure the door would come out and the muffler would drag while driving, but Kavin's car was freedom from that place called home, which meant a lot as a teenager.

Kavin introduced me to Depeche Mode, and we'd talk about music for hours. Radiohead, nine inch nails, smashing pumpkins, even brit-pop littered our conversations. We'd loiter everywhere we go. We even saved the cups at Taco Bell in the trunk of his beater for the free refills every time we went back. Yes, they were good times.

Looking back I wish I could say that I was a positive influence. I'm sure we had constructive conversations about girls, life, and God, but I really wasn't doing so well myself those days. I recall being a jerk to Kavin on multiple occasions. Still, he stuck by, and I still wonder why.

Kavin was smarter than me and taller than me, and rightly so I think he had better ambitions than me. I think he actually wanted to be somebody. I was a dark cloud never wanting anyone to be anything. I'd laugh at those who were 'involved' and mocked those who 'tried' in life. I find it was so easy being and influencing others to be apathetic, cynical, and aimless. The thought always haunts me that Kavin was one of those people who crossed my path during these darker times.

What I love about Kavin is that he has a spirit that wrestles with things. Sometimes it was hilarious when the feeling of angst was mutual. Other times, when I was more oblivious to what was going on, I think that the angst led him to moments of despair. Before it was cool to have a tortured soul, Kavin had one. He has one because underneath it all, he actually cares deeply in a world that tells him not to.

Kavin is a creative spirit, ridiculously funny, a searcher, and the dude who used to drive me around.

Here's a picture he made of himself. Yes it's all him.