Yesterday I read "Tracks of a fellow struggler" by John Claypool for a crisis counseling course I'll be taking next semester.

It was especially moving for me as it was the reflections of a pastor who watched his eight-year old girl die of leukemia.

Here are a few contextless snippets:

It has taken this long to get to the place I could handle this material without overwhelming pain. Just like a broken leg, a broken heart heals slowly and cannot stand much touching right after the break.

... Saturday afternoon she breathed her last breath and set out on a journey on which I could not accompany her.

There are no experts on the field of grief, for we all grieve in our own unique ways.

You alone can do your grief work, but you do not have to do it alone.

I had my moments when I understood how a person could raise one's fist to heaven and curse God.

One does not sow and reap in the same day, and, quite honestly, I must acknowledge that if this tragedy were my only conscious experience with God, I probably would not have come out where I did.

I did not realize just how hopeful I really was until that Saturday afternoon as I knelt by her bed and saw her stop breathing.

There were times, when Laura Lue was hurting so intensely that she had to bite on a rag and used to bet me to pray to God to ake away that awful pain. I would kneel down beside her bed and pray with all the faith and conviction of my soul, and nothing would happen except the pain continuing to rage on.

I fall back on the notion that God has a lot to give account for... I believe God will be able to give an accounting when all the facts are in, and until then, it is valid to ask.

The way of gratitude does not alleviate the pain, but it somehow puts some light around the darkness and creates strength to begin to move on

For every one of us - there is no way to avoid the trauma of loss if we love even a little.

A statement that struck a chord with the way I feel about my life, and in particular my wife, was a quote in the book by Hugh Prather during an illness his wife suffered:

She may die before morning. But I have been with her for four years. Four years. There is no way I could feel cheated if I didn't have her for another day. I didn't deserve her for one minute, God knows.

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Who will create and shape the future church...

Stellar’s still completely consuming my life these days, but here’s a portion of an article I recently wrote for the seminary newsletter.

The church is dying in North America. Most churches won’t acknowledge this because there’s still enough money to keep the lights on. Half of all churches did not connect a single person into a life transforming relationship with Jesus in an entire year. The church today is seen as the remnants of an archaic institution for the old, the sheltered, and the fanatic.

Many churches talk about being relevant to culture today because they are on brink of irrelevance. If God is the creator God then the church should be the center of creativity. Churches ought to be leading the culture, not catching up to it. New churches are needed just as much as revitalized churches, if not more. Our country is desperately in need of churches of all shapes and sizes and types. There are homes, warehouses, cafes, pubs, clubs, theaters, and abandoned cathedrals across the country waiting to be redeemed into communities of faith, hope, and love.

The Apostle Paul’s entire strategy was on church planting in urban centers. Miracles, conversions, and lives transformed just happened along the way. Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian states “Nothing else – not crusades, outreach programs, parachurch ministries, mega-churches, consulting, nor church renewal processes – will have the consistent impact of dynamic, extensive church planting”.

It all begins with individuals like you and me; followers of Jesus who are unafraid of risk, adventure and launching into unmarked territory because we trust in a sovereign God who is good; men and women who have caught a vision of God’s heart for establishing missional and redemptive centers of faith – that relentlessly press against the gates of Hades, to bring light into the darkness, and hope to humanity.

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We're doing better...

It's hard to express all the concern, love, and support we've received over the last while.

We had another little scare with Yvz's health as she was going through some excessive bleeding, but things have quickly returned to 'normal'.

Stellar's very much a regular baby again, crying, feeding, and sleeping.

I've since found my keys a week later and finished my final exam for the semester. Best of all, tomorrow night, Yvz and I will be sneaking out for a bit to resume some form of a date-night. Thank God for in-laws.

It really does take a village to raise a child.

While Yvz was at the walk-in clinic on the weekend, I was roaming the mall with Stellar trying to avoid all the other sick people. Every parent with a child that I passed by I kept thinking in my head 'What an absolute miracle it is for your child to make it this far'.

I hope to remember this every single step of the way.

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3 Horrible days...

Wednesday

We get called that Stellar needs to be rushed to the emergency unit.

I realized I've lost my keys as I'm speeding home to take our family to the hospital.

We get sent to the wrong emergency ward putting off urgent treatment that she needs for an hour

Stellar is diagnosed with severe Jaundice. Half of newborns get this but her level is debilitating and can result in hearing loss and brain damage.

Doctor's tell us that babies that come in for treatment usually have half of her levels and don't move much. Stellar's strong and moving frantically which is good.

Stellar needs to go through multiple lamp phototherapy for the next 48 hours. Nurse's take 6 stabs at my baby trying to find her tiny veins to plug the IV into. They say she may need a blood transfusion.

Thursday

Yvonne and I don't get much sleep lying together on a single bed/stretcher for the night wondering what we could have done differently.

Stellar's bilirubin levels drop by 300 points which is excellent.

I find a way to finish my final paper in the hospital.

Yvz and I take solace in God, our praying friends, trusting that the medical staff are doing all that they can.

Friday

Stellar is taken off of her IV and the phototherapy treatment for monitoring.

We discover that she is missing an enzyme called G6PD that led to her jaundice. Because she's a girl they traced that the genetic disorder was passed on from me! It's a rare disease and somehow I managed to get through life this far without it showing up.

Stellar's been finger-feeding while in the incubator and is having a very difficult time returning to breastfeeding.

Yvonne and I both get food poisoning. She vomits once, I vomit five times.

Stellar's okay and we're released from the hospital. We need neonatal follow-up to see if she's going to have any development issues.

My keys still haven't turned up and I've spent over a hundred dollars on parking this past week at the hospital. But all that matters to me right now is that I'm back home with the two most precious people in my life.

Stellar in an incubator with IV and phototherapy lights.

Stellar with her goggles on looking like a superhero. And she is.

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The finger and some funky smells...

After Steller giving me one of these...

I had to give her five back-to-back diaper changes to clean up the constant oil slick coming out of her rear...

Just so she can peacefully do this...

Overall, things are just borderline insane. I don't mind getting up every hour, but feeding's been a huge challenge. I think we finally hit milk today though.

I can't believe this beautiful life I live is just getting even better.

Now if I can only get rid of those funky smells...

Here's one of the funniest 9 second video's I've ever seen that captures the essence of this post.

Sweet Links...

Here's my latest round of sweet-links.

Video by youthwork.co.uk did an excellent video interview with Rob Bell, asking tough questions on how the church really started, emergent labels, and not becoming Ted Haggard. Hosted by premier.tv here.

Also here's a link to the entire Mastering the Art of Living series by Rob Bell. I'm not sure how long this one will be around for. I listened through it back in 2004 I believe and thought it was absolutely phenomenal.

Mac Tablet? I've been waiting for this, now if only I had the money.

Someone's daughter got a bit excited playing her nintedo Wii, check out what happened.

Article on Thom Wolf describing seminaries as being counterproductive.

A good listing of helpful church planting links

Seedstories - Appears to be a good hub /forum for church planters as well

Sketch - If you're in Toronto, check it out. I just visited yesterday. They do some extraordinary creative arts work with at-risk youth.

Mosaic Alliance has a preview of their members only site for free currently.

** This one just in. Monkey's kissing on you tube. You've gotta love this one!

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Acts29 / Mars Hill Resources...

Acts 29 is a church planting network that was founded by Mars Hill Seattle and helps plant churches that plant churches. It is a resource I draw on that I would say is very different from the Mosaic movement and Mars Hill Michigan. In fact Mars Hill Seattle would probably enjoy a street fight with Mars Hill Michigan.

Much of this is fueled by Mark Driscoll, who people simply love or hate. I have no problems seeing past most of the peripheral issues and drawing from most 'camps' in the church planting world. Whatever your thoughts on Driscoll are, he sure does make biblethumping almost seem cool again.

I visited Mars Hill during the summer when I was in Seattle. It's definitely a young crowd. And as anti-femenist as they are pegged to be, there were just as many girls there as there were guys. It's amazing what they've done in their short history.

I also had a chance to meet up with Scott Thomas the A29 church planting director the following day. I love how theologically-driven they are. Mars Hill Seattle and the A29 Network would consider themselves first Christian, then Evangelical,then Missional, and finally Reformed.

They have an adapted model of Leslie Newbegin's Gospel <-> Chruch <-> Culture and what they call a ministry matrix that shapes how they do things, from Christology -> Ecclesiology -> Missiology -> Ministry.

I've learned quite about both theologially and practically through their resources over the last several years. While I understand how many ministries need to recoup costs, one of the things I love about Mars Hill and all things related, is that they make their resources free.

There's much more if you dig through their primary websites, but I'll list off some of my top picks here. Again, I'll try to continually keep this page updated. Let me know if you've got some excellent finds.

ARTICLES

Here is a digital copy of the Acts 29 Church Planting manual that I acquired which gets handed out at the bootcamps.
Mars Bars - Article on Mars Hill and the Paradox Venue
Interview with Mark Driscoll 2006
Church planting trends as seen by Mark Driscoll - Notes from Steve Addison's blog

MEDIA - They are all audio mp3 links and video where specified

The Ox - Qualifications of an Acts 29 Church Planter - Mark Driscoll
Reverse Engineering your life - Mark Driscoll
Church planting resources and timeline - Steve Tompkins
Theology - Knowing God's mission - Mark Driscoll
On Mission as One - John Ryan
Art Gospel and Culture - Ed Marcelle
Jesus-Centered Reformed Theology - Chan Kilgore
Death by Love - Mark Driscoll @ Reform & Resurge 2006 / Video
Gravity: The weight of pastoring - Matt Chandler @ R&R 2006 - A must listen! / Video
Preaching the Gospel - Tim Keller @ R&R 2006 / Video
Humble Orthodoxy - Joshua Harris @ R&R 2006 / Video
Breaking the Missional Code - Ed Stetzer @ R&R 2006 / Video
Life and Death of the Missional Leader - Darrin Patrick @ R&R 2006 / Video
Mars Hill in Acts 17 - Mark Driscoll
The Whole Glory of the Gospel of God part 1 and 2 - John Piper @ Reformission 2004
Reformission: Reforming Christian Mission - Mark Driscoll
Holy Hospitality - Mark Driscoll
Theology of Alcohol - Mark Driscoll

Some pictures from my visit

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Mosaic Ottawa Blueprint...

In the middle of taking a break from writing papers in the library today, I did a bit of dreaming and scheming for the future church plant. Inspired by the leadership synergy diagram from origins, I decided to flip it around and plot out some values of what I've been imagining. It's been on my heart for so long, it only took a few minute once I had a framework to map it out in.

- At the core of every human being is the intrinsic desire to believe, belong, and become.
- We believe that these longings call people out on a journey towards drawing on Christ, deepening in Community, and being driven by the Cause
- Each of these are driven by values throughout in the culture. Both the divinity and the humanity of Christ, the individual purpose and corporate movement of the cause, and the unity and diversity of the community.
- This develops an environment permeated with visionaries, missionaries, and passionaries
- Collectively this is what forms a community of faith, hope, and love.

I wanted to take this a step further, and include another layer or additional overarching values of Reconciliation (faith + love), Beauty (love + hope), and Meaning (faith+hope), but it might be a little overboard.

What do you think? Any suggestions, tweaking, or major overhauling required?

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Darth Maul...

Here's a photo of me during Halloween. Yvonne painted my face to look like a zebra with the mohawk, but after playing around with the saturation in picasa I thought I looked a bit a Darth Maulish.

You can get Google Picasa free with the link near the bottom of my sidebar.

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Focus Issues...

I've got focus issues. I'm serious. Our small group did a test for A.D.D. earlier this week, and every single one of us are categorically A.D.D. We were so restless we couldn't even finish the test!

The mere moments I'm focused, I gun straight through things, and am fairly effective. Maybe I'm overly relying on my abilities? But this is something I really need to deal with.

It often takes me at least a couple hours before I can get to a level of productivity. Quite often I'll clean around the house, Make sure I'm on top of my news/blogs, optimize my desk, do my budget, scribble my daughter's 'secret' name, exercise, eat, anything but do the one thing I need to do at the moment.

Now I know many are like this, but I really need to get my act together. My pace of life is excellent, I'm definitely not doing too little or too much in my life. Over the years I've found a good balance of work and rest, but it frustrates me every time I set out to do certain things and take forever just to get started. I feel like I'm leaving time on the table and mockery of the moments I've been blessed with.

People tell me all the time how amazing it is the amount I seem to accomplish. I don't believe this is true in comparison to what I've been blessed with. I find most of these focus issues are usually tied to school work and non-urgent tasks. However with the baby coming and the pressure of ministry increasing, I really need to stop squandering my moments and maximizing what I've been given.

If everyone's got any life-transforming tips in this area, I'll take it. Please help. Now to get back to my paper.

oh look, I just found a few more mp3's and videos to add to the Erwin McManus and Rob Bell resources. Okay, now back to work, really.

Rob Bell resources...

Alright. To follow up the Mosaic Movement Resources as promised, here's some articles, audio's and video's for you Rob Bell fans. I've been downloading all of their sermons since back in 2002, but again, to be on the safe side, all links here are just what's currently available on the web.

For those of you who aren't up to speed on Rob and mhbcmi, I'd say their the Mac of the megachurch world. clean and simple. Rob Bell's an excellent communicator who does his homework, especially with contextualizing ancient Jewish culture. Their church is legend for exploding by word of mouth as Bell preached through Leviticus the first year.

Nooma video's have been the latest craze. People thought I was being silly for spending money on them a few years back. Again, feel free to borrow them from me if you're in the area.

I will NOT be keeping this post up to date. You can find the latest updates, links, sermons, and videos in the equivalent Rob Bell post on my primary blog at One Life.

ARTICLES

Great wikipedia biography
Reviews on the Everything is Spiritual tour here, here, and here
Beliefnet interviews Rob Bell
Article on Christianity Today on mhbcmi
Preaching.org review of using Nooma

AUDIO
Last twelve messages at mhbcmi are always here.
Rob Bell at Mosaiek Church - Flames of Heaven
Rob Bell at Mosaiek Church - Barefoot and breathing
One of the best series that I'd recommend is "Mastering the art of living"
Catalyst interview with Rob Bell
Sheep and goats and you and me
Rob Bell interview on episode ten of x3church.com podcast
Jesus Wept
Audio Review of Velvet Elvis
Communicating Christ in Contemporary Culture Part 1, 2, 3
Suffering: Having nothing and having everything mp3
Also here’s a link to the entire Mastering the Art of Living series by Rob Bell. I’m not sure how long this one will be around for. I listened through it back in 2004 I believe and thought it was absolutely phenomenal.

VIDEO

These videos below are all from Willow, links courtesy of Yuling

The Nazarite Vow
Between the Trees
We're over here
Jesus and Domitian
A Day of Atonement
Covered in the Dust of the Rabbi

Full videos from the Nooma series

Rain
Flame
Sunday
Noise
Kickball
Luggage
Dust
Bullhorn
Lump
Rhythm
Matthew
Rich
Clip from the Everything is Spiritual Tour

Video by youthwork.co.uk did an excellent video interview with Rob Bell, asking tough questions on how the church really started, emergent labels, and not becoming Ted Haggard. Hosted by premier.tv here.

MISCELLANEOUS

Mars Hill bible Church
Nooma clips and study guides - You can by the DVD's here
Isn't she beautiful - seminar for leaders celebrating the local church January 2007
Velvet Elvis - First book
Sex God - Second book

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