Prayer Reflections...

A few thoughts I jotted down after a recent time of prayer.

I find that I often pray, “God give me strength…”. Although God is the source of all strength, I think we often confuse God’s promises and our responsibilities. I am convinced that when we pray for God’s strength we are sometimes looking for a fallback if things don’t work out. As if God didn’t meet His end of the bargain. In Judges 6, God calls Gideon to simply “Go in the strength that you have”. Dare I be bold enough to come to God, ready to respond and pray, “God I will…” instead?

God then spoke to me on His unconditional love. I hear followers of Jesus all the time, talking about how they have blown it with God. How they feel worse off than when they first began, because now they know that there is a loving God that longs to transform them –and they still find themselves steeped in sin. God’s heart pressed into mine and it resonated the words “your continued sins do not diminish my love for you one bit.”

An explosion set off inside of me, as I felt the love of God pouring in and erupting out of me because it could no longer fit inside my tiny heart. I took a breath and realized that my very breath was a testimony of God’s great compassion. That each day that I woke was evidence of God’s forgiveness, patience, and purposes in my life.

I did not ask God for more strength, but I declared… I will not let the air in my lungs go to waste. I will not let the precious days He gives me slip by without being seized. I will be a light to those around me. And I will honor Him in all that I do, because He is worthy of it.

One last thought in hindsight… I’m not one to talk about conviction of sin all of the time, but Yvz and I have been challenging each other not to condemn people… we find we do it subtly when we comment on those who have more than us and those who have less than us… it could be financially, spiritually, whatever. This experience affirmed to me that there is no condemnation when we realize we are incredibly loved despite the depths of human depravity within our own hearts

For my fellow Erwin McManus ‘fans’…
Videos at the APU chapels (3 in the archives, and 2 coming in October)
Video service at Onnuri in Korea
WillowCreek 2003 – This one’s an oldie but a goodie that they've kept on their site.
Audio Sermon at Richland Hills

Homeless in the city...

I joined the university kids for The Lord’s Table sandwich run ministry downtown yesterday. It’s been a while since the last time I’ve spent a night directly in contact with the homeless.

Many of them were lying up against the office buildings. The images of cardboard shelters, tired looking faces, and dirty hands - against the backdrop of office cubicles and flat screen monitors lit by fluorescent lighting, burned in my mind. It is insanity that such a thin piece of glass divides the sanitized corporate world from the stained reality that surrounds it.

At least they have blinds. That way, office workers can get back to the task at hand when the lights and sights that invade cause any form of uneasiness.

The truth is that it’s supposed to rob us of our peace of mind. We are designed to naturally feel tormented in our gut when encountering other human beings in distress. Suffering has a face, and poverty has a name.

That night his name was Vince and I could feel in my bones that God had created him for so much more. I tried to be a voice of hope, but I knew that I was up against years of him having accepted his place in life. I’d like to think that as our team of four sat around him and let him speak his mind and listened to him, for a moment in time, he experienced validation as a human being, respect, and even love.

I find it fascinating how in this early career stage of life, it is often difficult scheduling a time to meet up with other busy friends. Yet with those on the streets, I left with a sense that I could count on them being there anytime I chose to visit. There's something wrong with that, in more ways then one.

Los Angeles Dream Center

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the Dream Center. I knew it was one of the fastest growing churches in America. Browsing their webpage, after seeing a picture of their pastor, Matthew Barnett, I found myself still wondering who the real pastor was. He looked younger than me!

It is in fact a father son duo leading the church, but it’s astonishing what God can do through what those we may at a glance view as inadequate. I attended the Thursday night service, in the Angeles Temple site. Angeles Temple was built in 1923, where Aimee Semple McPherson would preach to a full capacity of 5,300 people, three times a day, seven days a week. Today they reach the physical and spiritual needs of over 30,000 every week, feeding and housing people. They have a highly community oriented approach to ministry, they call adopt-a-block, and from what I’ve read over 80% of their congregation live within two miles of the church unlike most scattered metropolitan churches today.

How was the experience? Walking towards the church in it’s fairly ghetto neighborhood, you could hear the church / stadium rocking out. It was like rumblings of hope in a place where the poverty was obvious. The spirit and energy of the people there were amazing. Its Pentecostal flavor reminded me of an amped-up version of a church I attended while I lived in Hamilton, Living Hope. The message was powerful, and there was a time of healing / repentance after. Yvz and I left blown away.

This was my first time taking a picture during a church service. I felt a bit odd, butI tried to take solace in the fact that I was a tourist.

Random Updates...

Life has been a bit erratic the last while. I’ve fallen ill again. All the usual cold/flu symptoms and worst of all, fatigue, and an inability to fall sleep. The apartment is a complete mess. After a trip around world to Tel Aviv, Hong Kong, and Montreal, El Al airlines just returned my palm 13 days later. It’s completely dead, dented and missing its memory card. My car stereo’s locked me out, the speaker’s busted, and the windows chipped. The to-do lists are piling up. Lying in my bed, I’ve started informally composing a poem that I’ll finish up later. It’s called… I want to change the world, but I need to wash dishes. I’ve hacked at least two glasses of phlegm today. I’ve vowed to start taking care of myself and start exercising. My wife’s in Ottawa this week, and I miss her.

On top of all that, I’ve learned today that I’m currently taking up excessive ecological footprint. If everyone on earth lived the way I do, we would need 5 planets. How about you?

Happy Birthday to me!

My Birthday BBQ Bash that Yvonne organized

God? Marriage? What?...

A friend of mine asked me last night out of the leftfield, ‘why does the Bible refer to God as a male?” I was a bit startled at first, and then I couldn’t get over the fact that I didn’t have a thought out answer for such a simple question. I decided to just open my mouth and let the words roll off my lips.

I told him that we were all made, both man and women, in the image of God. That the characteristics and traits of both men and women were both intended to reflect who God was. I told him that I think that the Bible refers to God as male because of the relationship He intended for us to have with Him. The Bible calls the church the bride of Christ, and our relationship with Him is so very similar to that of marriage between a man and a woman. God, as the great giver and the great initiator pursues us and sacrifices for us – that we might know of His unfailing love. We receive from Him and are blessed by Him. In return we spend all our lives in a spiral of joy exchanging love and thanks until the giver and the receiver become indistinguishable.

God longs to be in relationship with us, to transform us, that we might have his heart for people and his passion for life.

Speaking of marriage, here’s our latest wedding newsletter, and some links to pics.

Back from California...

I'm backlogged in thoughts and pictures. The travelling was a nightmare, but everything in between was most excellent. We travelled via El AL (Air Israel) since they offered the only direct flights. There's too much to say about our experience, but I just looked up a few descriptions of typical EL AL security like this and this, and you can get a taste of what we got. Yvonne and I must have been prime suspects going both ways...

Otherwise, the trip was an incredible blessing for our marriage... we're both looking forward to sharing and acting out on so much of what we've learned. Here's a few quick pics below, more to come...

Sweet California, I miss you already..

A mosaic of ... Mosaic at the night club site. We finally met Erwin McManus. Check out the sweat stains on him after the intense message!

Us at Monterey for our first year anniversary

I'm Off!!

Wish I had time to post more... I'm off to L.A. and San Francisco...

God - The Greatest Believer...

For those who you who have given me the opportunity to speak and to share know that I love speaking words of life, hope and encouragement (Like the one in the clip above). The other day, I found myself feeling overwhelmed at the journey ahead of me… Who am I Lord? What sacrifices must I make? Can a man make it to the finish line without ever seeing the harvest? Do I have what it takes? Feeling downcast, I sensed the voice of God telling me that I am going to have to start believing some of the things that I so boldly declare to others.

I am a child of God (John 1:12). His very creation of this life of mine demonstrates that God believes in me more than I could ever believe in Him. God does not make crap, and did not design me desiring that I should fail or disappoint, but formed me with passionate expectation and intentionality. Before I was born He knew me, and had hopes and purposes to be accomplished in my life and through my life (Jeremiah 1:5). Even though I have failed, He risked the life of His own Son, to redeem me. In hopes that I might turn back and embrace the person He believed I could become.

A person who has been uniquely created by God, with gifting and talents and passions that are waiting to be unleashed. My life is marked by the fingerprints of the creator of the universe Himself. I was created to reflect the awesomeness displayed in Christ - it is the birth right of every child of God. He has given to me more than enough and I will not hold back from who he has crafted me to become. “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness…” (2 Peter 1:3)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson, from her 1992 book, "Return to Love", supposedly incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela n the past.)

Yvonne goes snaphappy!

See what you can do with 15 minutes waiting for friends in Ottawa?

Being Fully Present...

What a fantastic time in Ottawa. I miss living in that simple city. This long weekend consisted of friends, family, BBQ’s, walks along the river, and relaxing good times – the usual in the town of Ottawa.

A good friend once told me that maybe I could impact lives when I was away on campus, and maybe I could make a difference in people while I resided in Ottawa, but Toronto was a totally different scene. As I moved back, I took that challenge with anticipation and excitement.

I’ve been back 2 years now and he was right. The city is bigger and the people are busier. And I’ve become another local. Noises pervade conversations about what colors to paint the walls, where the latest deals are, who the latest celebrity is to trash, where the next event is, and of course what the latest gripes about work are. Nothing wrong with these discourses, but they permeate and press in against our minds. Somewhere lodged deep within the heart of this city is either an inability to move beyond the past or a relentless longing for a future that has yet to come, to avoid a life that awaits us here and now.

Even spirituality needs to be scheduled to fit. I suspect there’s an underlying thought that we suffer as Christians when we have managed to take fifteen minutes out of our busy schedule to pray or read scripture. Or we have suffered when we didn’t do as well on an assignment or a project because we had to be at fellowship or serving in some other capacity. What I read in the bible is that the early Christians suffered ‘for the sake of the gospel’. Not for the things we’ve reduced it down to. Something's drastically wrong with the Christianity that surrounds me.

I listened to a message on the call of Jesus to be “fully present” by Rob Bell, while I drove up to Ottawa. I even had to multi-task this sermon into my life to hear it. This message continues to encourage me to live out the preciousness of life today. Ottawa was the perfect place for me to start practicing this journey of being fully present. I actually stopped myself from thinking other things as people talked to me and listened to them. Yvonne and I actually purposely don't answer the phone sometimes now. I actually listen to myself breathe again from time to time.

In the adult world, ‘busy’ seems to be the new ‘cool’. A feeling wells up inside me when I talk to younger people that say they can’t wait to grow up and be where people like me are at. It’s a feeling of sadness that comes to me that they might not be enjoying every bit of life that they have right where they are. It also saddens me even more to think that at their current trajectory they could just end up filling their lives with walls to paint and bills to pay... becoming just another busy Toronto local. I pray we don’t let that happen.

Leaving for Ottawa tonight...

I'm so late. Had to wrap up some last minute work before the holidays, and finish the remaining 70% of my paper. I don't usually do this because most of my papers are fairly dry, but here's my paper on Gospel, Church and Culture. It was a bit crammed, and I had to follow a bit of an outline and use a select number of resources. but enough of the excuses, feel free to peruse if you got the time.

I'm also using the w.bloggar tool for a change. Google it yourself if you're looking for a blogger GUI tool. I'm running really late and not sure why I'm writing, but just wanted to declare the goodness of God in my life. Buried in papers, but it's been awesome. Laters all, my wife in Ottawa awaits me.

What makes you come alive?

I'm knee deep immersed in writing my final integration paper for Gospel, Church, and Culture today. I got caught behind because I was speaking at UTCCF this past week on outreach. It was excellent to be back involved in campus ministry again, even if just for a moment.

I also managed to read two John Eldredge books this past week, Wild at Heart and Waking the dead. Besides the fact that I've been leading a new Men's sunday school class, this was oddly spurred on due to Tony's comments that my post reminded him of Eldredge's writing. Strange how we often flock to those with similar views. There are definitely similar themes with him and McManus, although I still think Erwin is a better wordsmith. Two quotes that remain off the top from Wild at Heart:

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Most men, marry for safety; they choose a woman who will make them feel like a man but never really challenge them to be one.

I know I definitely married a woman that challenges me to the person God had called me to be every single day. Thank God. However, I don't think writing papers makes me come alive, but speaking to students, encouraging and, building them up in Christ sure does. Alas, I must get back to the paper. I guess I must go through the valley if I want to stand upon the mountain...

xxxChurch and Mosaic...

I read this excellent article this morning (the string of comments afterwards is what was really insightful), regarding xxxchurch ministry and their experience at Mosaic church.

x3church is a very interesting organization that seeks to go directly engage the world of pornography with the love of Christ while providing hope to those who have been entangled by it. They actually provide free accountability software/services for those who are interested.

Mosaic is a very extraordinary church that meets in a nightclub. You won’t find much on their website, but I’ve read volumes about after reading three books by their lead pastor, Erwin McManus. We’ll be visiting it this summer when Yvonne and I head down to LA.

The article and its comments illustrate the ongoing struggles when leading edge ministries that seek to free people from porn/religion or a combination of two collide and Christians start opening their mouths (Some excellent and a few not so bright thoughts throughout).

Jesus Sings...

I’ve never heard anyone describe this. Or at least I never noticed it before, but check this verse out…

“Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. He says,
‘I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises’” (Hebrews 2:11-12)

I had to backtrack and read this over a few times, because my gut reaction is that it implies we’re the ones who sing praises… but if I’m reading this correctly, it’s Jesus that sings our names. Imagine that. Our voices intermingled in harmony with Jesus singing praises in heaven! This reminds me of Zephaniah 3:17

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Who is this King of Glory that pursues us with his love? Who sings with us and to us?
Here’s a link on Matt Redman’s thoughts on the Father’s Song, a song he wrote based on this verse.

Random links...

My coworker, Cliff, who i've been overtly reaching out to just started his own blog. Some humbling remarks on myself I might add. Thanks Cliff it's an honour to be sharing my faith journey with you.

A speaker that has influenced my life a lot lately, Erwin McManus talks about the Primal Essence of Leadership here. Absolutely anyone involved with leading the movement of Jesus Christ should take 40 minutes to list to this.

Here's a hilarious link on how to seem smart.

Out of commission...

Who thought that last post was lame? That was the seminary student side of me coming out… intrigued with social commentary / academia and all that jazz. My apologies, some days it feels extremely important to me, other times (like right now) it seems embarrasingly like meaningless drivel.

Back to what’s actually going on. I’ve been so fired up lately about running hard for God. I have been encouraging everyone with how I would rather run hard and stumble forward landing flat facing God than sit idle and allow the world around me to press against and shape me. I even told my mentor last week (almost braggingly) how I haven’t been sick in years. Until now…

I woke up Sunday morning with my head throbbing and my throat dirt dry. Not the best of timing as I was to be leading prayer meeting that morning (arrived late), kicking off the "Men of Faith" Sunday school class (drank water profusely throughout), presenting Monday downtown for some cross training (struggled through), share at our Shake&Shine team meeting (which I have now wisely cancelled), and speaking at a campus fellowship on outreach (which God graciously delayed a week).

This morning pure natural ability won over human will power. I told myself that today for the first time in our marriage I would sleep in past Yvonne. I couldn’t do it, and though feverishly sick, I got out of bed by seven. I’m not sure if it is some kind of medical condition I have or not, but I realized as I struggled to stay horizontal, that I wake up every morning feeling my heart rapidly beating. It races onwards until I get up and start doing something, plateau-ing as my body gets into rhythm with the pumping of the blood. I think in my mind I get the sense the world is moving on without me and I'm missing out... so I press on.

I’ve learned much these past few days. I’ll jot’em down later. As for now I must start listening to that voice I thought I slayed years ago, and get some rest, “the spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:41).